Stuck in Grey

I had not been a believer in anything much. You could say my beliefs were that of an ordinary city bred individual. Until about that exceptionally bright day, when I turned around and sheepishly asked for a bottle of water. A quizzical expression and a disdainful snort. That was my first face off with what was to become imperative to me. To my experiences. My meanings. What would you call her? For me she has been a lot of things over the years. Her role has evolved, metamorphosed, been defined and re-defined. My friend. My confidante. The keeper of my darkest secrets. Basest instincts. You always need someone to make you see who you really are. She was that to me. For the longest time. It is true I have hated her on occasions with a passion I generally cannot evoke. And off course hated anyone who grew close to her, with a white hot rage. There are times when the lines fade between love and hate, and you're perpetually stuck in grey. I have been perpetually locked in grey. I realize that the years are ticking by. But I wonder if she is still there. Locked in my dystopian grey. Unable to move. Caught in the web.