Recovery is a process of self discovery. More often than
once, I have heard people mention that certain incidences changed their lives.
Change in terms of giving them fresh perspectives, altering their patterns and
rescheduling their brain wires. Something like a factory reset on your systems.
Unfortunately or fortunately our brains are not precisely programmed for a
complete cleanup. We tend to go back and ponder. Specifically, for people who
tend to contemplate much before acting, have this good fortune. Pun intended.
Take it from someone who has the happy chance of being on the other end of impulse;
it is certainly not a wildly intoxicating place to be. My question to you is;
are all these people ultimately risk averse? Stagnant, static and perpetually
boring?
So let me initiate the argument by asking you, do you think
people in general are one-dimensional? Does indecision or stagnancy in certain
facets of life mean that the individual doesn’t have another side to his/her
personality that could easily redirect your opinion? In our fast paced lives
today, we meet, talk, exchange and discard so many people on a regular basis. I
do. And so do you. Some you dismiss as uninteresting, some as uneventful, some
as naive, some as foolishly idealistic, and the list goes on. Judging, stacking
and subsequent labelling is not exactly a crime.
But how many of us, step back and give our opinions a second
chance? Call me a naive idealist, but I happen to be a big fan of second
chances. I have got some and I have messed up so many. But the important point
is, that those people at those moments have had the courage to look beyond
their constraints.
The crucial part is probably realizing that everyone is on
their own time table. I might not be at a crossroads of an investment decision
right now, that doesn’t make me risk averse. I might be a believer of
government bonds and not the equity market. Similarly, just because I take time
moving any relationship to the next stage, doesn’t make me cold meat. Maybe I
believe in building trust before going full throttle on the accelerator. These
are choices really and not always individual nature.
More often than not, we tend to place judgements on people
within the first 5 minutes. With age or rather with experiences, I have learnt
that a little bit of flexibility doesn’t hurt. Sad truth is, you never really
know someone unless you’ve had either a late night conversation, an inebriated
episode, or you’ve been privy to some amount of pillow talk. So the best advice
I have given myself, in the past year is, cut yourself some slack, and keep an
open mind. Honestly speaking, as you grow (hopefully gracefully) you tend to
realize there is a lot to learn. Specifically about people. Everyone deals with
some amount of turmoil at some point in their lives. Poise is to deal with it
at your own pace and not become a raving juggernaut that destructs on it’s way
to oblivion. Everyone deserves a little bit of empathy once in a while.
When something happens that makes you stop, breathe and
re-evaluate, use that time to discover yourself. Everyone of us is a complex
web of emotions. Some like remaining bottled up, but when they unravel, that is
more often than not, quite painful as a process. Being on your own on this path
of discovery is loosely recovery. There is often beauty in being on your own.
Relationships don’t have to be based on co-dependency. There are high chances
that, if you try and explain this concept, you would be scoffed at. However,
individuals who deal with changes on their own are mostly the strongest you
would come across. Be social by all means. But not a nerve wreck of social
niceties.
When I was a child I was fascinated with the likes of Ayn
Rand. Her books spoke so much of truth to me that individuality came as a
natural consequence to my mental framework. Humility has taught me that
everyone probably hasn’t had that choice. You can call me fortunate to have had
these opportunities or you might say that awareness about self is something
that our society truly lacks. Speaking for my gender, we often take pride in being
an ideal daughter, girlfriend, wife, mother at different stages in our lives.
How many of us follow the paths that give meaning to our selves? It might be
that living each of these roles to perfection gives you fulfilment, but to a
lot of us, probably a concept of a he/them is not all encompassing. That has to
be fair too, right?
So, I
tell myself routinely, recover yourself, discover yourself, be comfortable in
your skin. Self is not a big dark hole on the ground where you need to be
buried. And off course to my other impulses I say, a little bit of empathy goes
a long way.
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